Saturday, February 04, 2006
Double, Double, Toil and (Big) Trouble
Renting two porn flicks similar to each other at the same time is a bad idea. That’s what I did last night. Sitting on the shelf at my local porn shop was two of my favorite Euro-Smut company Private’s Pirate Fetish Machine collection. I rented them both without another thought.
Sex in a Frame and Funky Fetish Horror Show (a satire of The Rocky Horror Picture Show) are both the extremely well produced, high budget, high concept porn we’ve come to expect from our friends at Private. The sets are unusual and innovative, the lighting high-tech, the stars stunningly hot, the sex intense, the cum shots copious, and both films very easy to rub one off to.
The problem I encountered though was simple. Both flicks are amazingly similar. Produced in 2002, both are directed by one of Private’s most ingenious and artistic directors, the singularly monikered Kovi, and both featured many of the same actors, like Csoky and Steve Holmes, as well as many of the same women. Most disturbingly, however, the same fetish-wear costumes popped up in both flicks, and the same sex acts were repeated over and over and over.
I have to be honest; I’m not the biggest fetish fan in the world. It’s hard to believe I’m a vanilla boy, but in many ways I am. But, like a lot of people, I find sexy folks of both sexes wearing leather or latex or rubber to be fairly stimulating once in a while. I wouldn’t want that to be the only thing I ever saw them wear, but once in a while … you know. But to see the exact same metallic blue latex shorts on Csoky, and the same leather strapped bra on the same women in two porn films in one night became repetitive, and somehow disconcerting. I know there were probably days if not weeks between filming for the two projects, but it didn’t seem that way to me. I was still sitting in the same chair, with the same (unused) cum-rag and the same seeping hard-on. I hadn’t cleaned up between films … so, what would make me think they had? That’s a silly way to think I know, but porn is all about perception, and that’s what I perceived last night.
Now let’s talk about shoe, foot and toe licking. Both films contain tons of it. Tons of it. And it does nothing for me. In fact, it’s kind of a turn off. A guy sucking the clear plastic spiked-heal of a shoe as if he’s sucking a cock should, in theory, be sexier than fuck. I don’t find it so, and I especially don’t find it so after I’ve seen the same shoe on at least four different women. Ripping open a stocking so you can suck a woman’s toes? Count me out. Want to shove your cock under the top of a fishnet and hump away? Be my guest, but, be warned, I’m going to become bored watching you do it.
If this is your kink, if this is the thing that really gets your dick hard, I think that’s terrific. Go for it! Enjoy it! I’m certainly not judging anyone for getting off on this kind of fetish, I’m just saying it isn’t my fetish.
The scenarios for both films are pretty standard. In Sex in a Frame, a couple gets locked in a museum after hours where they and two guards keep getting magically pulled into paintings where fetish group sex is the norm. Fun is had by all.
Slightly more disappointing is Funky Fetish Horror Show. A young couple (yes, named Brad and Janet) whose car has broken down, trudge through the rain back to the local castle only to be put through their sexual paces. Steve Holmes plays the Frank N. Furter character, complete with make-up, corset, cape and fishnets. Holmes has never been one of my favorite Euro-Studs. Sure he has a massive cock, but I’ve never found him very handsome and he has a scrawny body. Anyway, as the film progresses you can guess what happens. The question I ended up asking myself was, why for the final "big-sex" scene did they decide to use only four people? There were nine or so stars used throughout the film, why weren’t they all used in a huge orgy? That would have been something.
So, today’s lesson class; don’t rent two movies that are very similar on the same evening unless you’re really, really into the subject, or fetish, or sub-genre they cover. I think I would have enjoyed both these movies separately, but together they just became much too much of a good thing.
And much too much foot sucking, too.
Sex in a Frame and Funky Fetish Horror Show (a satire of The Rocky Horror Picture Show) are both the extremely well produced, high budget, high concept porn we’ve come to expect from our friends at Private. The sets are unusual and innovative, the lighting high-tech, the stars stunningly hot, the sex intense, the cum shots copious, and both films very easy to rub one off to.
The problem I encountered though was simple. Both flicks are amazingly similar. Produced in 2002, both are directed by one of Private’s most ingenious and artistic directors, the singularly monikered Kovi, and both featured many of the same actors, like Csoky and Steve Holmes, as well as many of the same women. Most disturbingly, however, the same fetish-wear costumes popped up in both flicks, and the same sex acts were repeated over and over and over.
I have to be honest; I’m not the biggest fetish fan in the world. It’s hard to believe I’m a vanilla boy, but in many ways I am. But, like a lot of people, I find sexy folks of both sexes wearing leather or latex or rubber to be fairly stimulating once in a while. I wouldn’t want that to be the only thing I ever saw them wear, but once in a while … you know. But to see the exact same metallic blue latex shorts on Csoky, and the same leather strapped bra on the same women in two porn films in one night became repetitive, and somehow disconcerting. I know there were probably days if not weeks between filming for the two projects, but it didn’t seem that way to me. I was still sitting in the same chair, with the same (unused) cum-rag and the same seeping hard-on. I hadn’t cleaned up between films … so, what would make me think they had? That’s a silly way to think I know, but porn is all about perception, and that’s what I perceived last night.
Now let’s talk about shoe, foot and toe licking. Both films contain tons of it. Tons of it. And it does nothing for me. In fact, it’s kind of a turn off. A guy sucking the clear plastic spiked-heal of a shoe as if he’s sucking a cock should, in theory, be sexier than fuck. I don’t find it so, and I especially don’t find it so after I’ve seen the same shoe on at least four different women. Ripping open a stocking so you can suck a woman’s toes? Count me out. Want to shove your cock under the top of a fishnet and hump away? Be my guest, but, be warned, I’m going to become bored watching you do it.
If this is your kink, if this is the thing that really gets your dick hard, I think that’s terrific. Go for it! Enjoy it! I’m certainly not judging anyone for getting off on this kind of fetish, I’m just saying it isn’t my fetish.
The scenarios for both films are pretty standard. In Sex in a Frame, a couple gets locked in a museum after hours where they and two guards keep getting magically pulled into paintings where fetish group sex is the norm. Fun is had by all.
Slightly more disappointing is Funky Fetish Horror Show. A young couple (yes, named Brad and Janet) whose car has broken down, trudge through the rain back to the local castle only to be put through their sexual paces. Steve Holmes plays the Frank N. Furter character, complete with make-up, corset, cape and fishnets. Holmes has never been one of my favorite Euro-Studs. Sure he has a massive cock, but I’ve never found him very handsome and he has a scrawny body. Anyway, as the film progresses you can guess what happens. The question I ended up asking myself was, why for the final "big-sex" scene did they decide to use only four people? There were nine or so stars used throughout the film, why weren’t they all used in a huge orgy? That would have been something.
So, today’s lesson class; don’t rent two movies that are very similar on the same evening unless you’re really, really into the subject, or fetish, or sub-genre they cover. I think I would have enjoyed both these movies separately, but together they just became much too much of a good thing.
And much too much foot sucking, too.
