Porn Watcher

Oh, dear, here's another disappointing one.

My room mate celebrated a birthday recently and received two of the Guys Gone Wild DVDs. The male off-shoot of the wildly popular "As Seen On TV" Girls Gone Wild series, this is not the best stroking material you'll ever have the opportunity to rent. These are basically soft-core versions of Sean Cody or Dirk Yates videos, and not nearly as successful.

A couple of scantily clad young female film-makers hit the Spring Break hot spots finding muscular and usually drunk young studs who agree to take their shirts off, expose and shake their asses, and maybe, maybe, allow us to see their cocks. A couple even go so far as to take a shower for the camera. All the boys are really, really hot, but none of them ever develop a hard-on, nor do they touch either the women or each other. I mean, come on, let's face it, maybe straight men find shirtless women showing their tits hot, but guys with their shirts off, and rarely going much further gets a little tedious after thirty or forty minutes.

Now admittedly, in Spring Break, the DVD I watched last night, the first guy is stupendously hung, sporting a larger dick than I've seen for a long time, either on video, the internet, or most tragically, in real life. But after you've seen this gigantic (albeit relentlessly soft) cock, that's it. No one hotter or larger ever shows up during the rest of the DVD. No special features are included, and the running time is not quite ninety minutes.

God bless the ambitious young women who decided to put these films together, it's a terrific idea, but I wish they had gone to film school first. The picture often distractingly shakes, guys take off their pants or whip out their cocks while the camera stays firmly focused on the their faces, and the image is often shockingly over-exposed.

To sum up, I started watching Guys Gone Wild "Spring Break" with a hard-on and was flaccid fifteen minutes into it. And I fast-forwarded through more than ninety percent of the video. Good concept, poor execution. Oh, well.